The Bay Bride

Today I went wedding dress shopping for the 2nd time in 2 weeks.  My two experiences were very different.  I learned from my newbie mistakes which made my second experience much more pleasant.  Here’s a few tips that can make your trip less embarrassing.. and more worthwhile.

Tip #1: Wear your good undies

Well first of all, I didn’t realize that the dress consultant actually helps you into every dress.  So make sure to wear a nice pair of underwear, not your holey pair that you out grew 10 years ago.  Yes, I felt quite embarrassed but that’s what happens when you don’t do laundry for a month. Also, a strapless bra is a must. Not sure if they can lend you one but yeah, it’d probably be better to bring your own.  Some B2B (brides to be) even bring Spanx and other undergarments.

Tip #2: Do Your Research

It pays to do some research.  First set a budget for the dress and then start looking in magazines or online to find a style you like.  Create a list of bridal shops in your area and research away.  Call them to find out which bridal gown lines they carry.  Ask if they have any events like trunk shows or sample sales coming up? If you need to set an appointment (you usually do)?  What the price range is for the gowns?  How far in advance do you have to order the dress? I usually go on Yelp, WeddingWire or Project Wedding to find out as much as possible before booking an appointment.

Tip #3: Start Early

It’s never too early to start looking for a dress!!!  I only wish I had more time!  The more time you have the more time you’ll  be able to shop around and find the best deals. I would definitely try to hit up as many sample sales as possible.  Most sample sales happen about once a year so its hard to time it right if you only have 1 year to plan.  If you don’t end up buying your dress at a sample sale, some dress shops can take up to 6 months for your gown to arrive.  Though not every bridal shop will take this long its always better to be safe than sorry.  I heard some places make you pay a rush fee so when you call to make your appointment ask them how far in advance you’ll need to order your dress.  You’ll also need about 4-6 weeks before the wedding to have time for final fittings.

Tip #4: Bring Pictures/Magazines of Wedding Dresses

Make sure to bring some pictures of dresses that you like especially if its a shop where they have bridal consultants bring you dresses to try on based on what they think you want. I forgot this very important detail and the lady grabbed like 8 dresses, all of which I really didn’t like and I just felt bad.  It was definitely a waste of both our times.  This was at Trudy’s in Campbell, CA.

Some places let you browse the dress rack (such as Gabrielle’s in Los Gatos and The Unique Bride in Burlingame) and let you pick the ones you want to try on.  Call the store to find out what their policy is.

Tip #5: Bring a Friend (and a digital camera)

Bring a friend who knows what’s up.  Someone you trust who will be honest yet tactful and knows a thing or two about clothes/fashion and understands your style.  Your friend can also help take pictures (if the shop allows it) so later when you need some motivation to work out you can blow up the picture and tape it on your fridge.  Oh yeah, also it may help you later when you want to ask family and friends for their opinion or for reference when you’re ready to make a final decision.  In my case, I will be using it as a motivation technique.  I swear, camera’s really add 20 lbs.  After my friend took the picture I asked her politely if she could take a few shots at various angles (bc the angle made me look…. 20 lbs heavier).  She later told me that the first shot was the most flattering angle she could get.  HAHA she cracks me up.

Any other dress shopping tips you’d like to share?

So not too long ago, the fiance (I’ll call him Tobes for privacy sake) and I spent a Saturday night at home calculating our finances and determining a wedding budget.  Woo hoo!  Boring I know… but it had to be done.  Money is never a fun topic to talk about unless of course its the “what would you do if you won the lotto?” question.  Anyway, we were pretty clueless to how much weddings really costs these days so we ended up blindly just setting a budget of $50K for a 220 people wedding.  The $50K wasn’t based off any solid research.  We heard from friends that Bay Area weddings averaged anywhere from $30K to $60K so $50K sounded like a good number.   It was a budget we thought we could afford and was determined off some initial research we did on wedding venues, food, etc.

We checked out a few wedding venues and prices ranged anywhere form $3K to $10K just to rent, not including food.  Doh!  We also did some initial research for food. It costs anywhere form $35/person on the low end and $150/person on the high end.  We hope to spend somewhere in the middle.  I mean just the cost of the wedding venue plus the cost of food was going to set us back at least $20K.  OUCH!!!  That’s already 40% of our budget.  I’ve heard that 40% of your budget should go to the ceremony (site fee, officiant’s fee + tips) and reception (site fee, food, drinks, tips, part favors and parking).

Reception and ceremony should be the bulk of the cost.  Hopefully we’ll find other areas where we can cut costs by prioritizing items like cake and invitations.  I mean I’d really love to do some DIY projects to save money but with a hectic full time job and lack of creative skills, I’m just not sure if its possible.  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I don’t think there’s an exact order of how things should be planned, but figuring out a few things first will make wedding planning much easier down the road.

I’d say the easiest place to start is figuring out who is going to be paying for the wedding.

Traditionally in American culture it’s been the bride’s side of the family who pays for the wedding and the groom’s side who pays for the rehearsal dinner.  In some Asian cultures, the Groom’s family foots the entire bill.  But these days there seems to be a more modern approach.

3 way split

- Bride and Groom pitch in 1/3

- Bride’s side pitch in 1/3

- Groom’s side pitch in 1/3

This usually means each party invites 1/3 of the guests as well.

Bride and Groom

- Bride and Groom pay

This option is for the couple who has been working at least a few years with some money of their own saved in the bank. Families seem to get a lot less involved (unless of course you want them to be) in the whole planning process.

Whatever I can get

- No set percentage of who pays for what

- Whatever the couple can get.  Any help is a good thing.

The families can help out here and there by offering to pay for a rehearsal dinner or florist or photographer etc.  The families may not be contributing evenly but the couple will be happy with whatever contributions their families can afford (or would like to give).  If you pick this route, things should be discussed early on and agreed upon before starting to plan.  One thing to be careful about is that the families may want to have more of a say on the items they are paying for which may not be a good thing for “certain” types of brides.

Every couple is different so there is definitely no wrong or right approach.  From there you’ll be able to determine budget and start creating a very rough guest list.  Happy wedding planning!

I started this whole wedding planning thing pretty clueless, probably due to the fact that I haven’t been closely involved in many weddings before.  I’ve attended a handful, but out of my gr0up of friends I’ll be one of the first to plan a wedding.  EEK!

I told myself, “no big deal – it’ll be like throwing one big party and 1 year is definitely MORE than enough time to pull it off”.  LITTLE DID I KNOW!  Soon enough a couple of months passed and I slowly realized I need to get off my butt and start booking vendors – especially if we wanted to have a wedding next fall (it was October by then).  I know a part of me was excited but the other part knew that once I opened the floodgates to the wedding planning world, my to-do list would go from 10 to 100 in a few weeks time.  Actually the very first list I created right after getting engaged was my top 10 list of honeymoon spots (since vacationing is definitely one topic I know and love)!  I was obviously LOST and didn’t know where to begin… 

My Top 10 Honeymoon List:

1.)   Bora Bora
2.)   Maldives
3.)   Costa Rica
4.)   Japan
5.)   Australia/New Zealand
6.)   Mexico (probably Cancun/Mayan Riviera)
7.)   Kauai and Maui
8.)   Paris/Rome
9.)   Seychelles
10.) Fiji

Don’t they all sound lovely???  Too many places, too little time.  Or too many places, not enough honeymoons?  Boo.

LET THE WEDDING PLANNING BEGIN!  And as my friend likes to put it… “another one bites the dust”.